Finding you, Finding me reworked
by Sophia LaRue
Summary: This is a rework of the original fanfic Finding you, Finding me. You don't have to read the other to understand, but this story will be working with the other as a skeleton. There will be some changes so you can enjoy them separately or together.


A/N: I hate doing author's notes but I shall. Just so readers know, this story has two different versions with the same title. Both are in Bella's POV, but will differ in style and narrative, there are also some plot changes. Nothing too major but obviously this one is going to be a lot more descriptive and will develop the back story more. The best way to say it is that I will try to show instead of tell ... anyway I would really love some feedback on how it's sounding and you guys are liking it so far, also if you like Bella's voice. So basically the more reviews I get the further I will develop this story. Anyway without further ado enjoy "Finding you, Finding me" the 2nd / reworked version:

Chapter one: Let you go

The dark skies seemed to open up just as the hot tears seared down my flesh, thunder roaring in the background complimenting the storm building in me. Shock was not a useful word. Despair didn't even come close. There was another emotion ravishing me, something that had no name ... but surely the empty hole nipping at my heart was an ode to the terrible loss I suffered at his hand.

It was only a moment ago that Edward Cullen ended my world. Only a moment ago that my heart stop and restarted, pain filling each beat as the growing hole constricted my breathing. It was in the moment that his cold lips ghosted over my temple that I knew I had lost him. His shattering words a prelude to the devastating final kiss, because the instant I open my eyes he was gone like the beautiful mirage that he was.

It took another second for my brain to fight against the reality that it was over and my legs to begin working again as my body pushed forward, sluggish. I ran toward the direction his unnatural breeze blew from, indulging myself in the delusion that I could catch him. Even if he weren't blessed with vampiric speed, there was no way that I could hold onto the ethereal being that he was. As he simply put it _I was only a distraction_. One that had run its course.

The branches slapped against my skin as my pace quickened, the mud sloshing against my surprisingly graceful steps. I was thankful for all the times we spent in our forest because without that time I doubt my chase for him would have last this long without some characteristic injury, perhaps a broken ankle, or toe. In any case that pain would be openly and joyously welcomed over the throbbing numbing pain that was pulsing through me, emanating from my heart.

The minutes ticked by as the burn in my legs increased. I pushed harder, switching directions. I had long lost his trail but I couldn't stop. Stopping would mean that it was over. And it wasn't.

When the heavy panting that caused my dry throat to burn was all that I could hear, I silently cursed myself for not having participated more in gym class. It wasn't that I was out of shape, but I never ran for this long.

It was almost close to sunset; the angle of the sun was now coming in from the right and I knew that it had been hours since he first brought me into the woods. Hours since the hateful words had ended my sweet delusion: that a masterpiece like him would be interested in some one like me.

I kept running, pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind. The rain had stopped now and my wet clothes clung heavily to me, making it that much harder to lift my weary legs. But I couldn't stop running. Not yet. Because if I did, then it would mean he was gone.... and he wasn't coming back.

I doubled over when the pain in my side was too much to handle. I clutched at it, a whimper dying in my throat. "Damn it," my out burst was accompanied by very last reserve of tears. _It's over._ My heart skipped. I had no more energy to run. My tired, weak human body couldn't take it anymore.

I welcomed the pain as my knees thumbed against the wet earth. The mud did not absorb the pain as I let my eyes stinging close, too dry to stay open even in the moist air. I sunk deeper into the inviting ground.

There was no more fight in me as his words elicited pain in my every fiber. The emotionless flat words he uttered to me continued running through my head in his perfect melodious pitch. _I don't want you. _Those were dominate because I still couldn't explain why should he? He finally saw the truth as he explained, _I'm no good for him. _

The truth in those earth shattering words continued to drain the last bit of hope right out of me. Made my blood run cold, caused searing pain in the place where my heart impossibly beat. I had no idea why it continued to beat without him.

My now ragged breath caused the back of my throat to burn. I had no more energy and as my arms enclose my chest tightly I knew that I could not survive the burning pain in my heart. There was no relief, not even as the sparse hot tears dried on my face.

He was the only one who could fix this. He was the only one who could make this right, but he didn't want me. I no longer held the attraction that once pulled him to me, if ever I did. My silent mind no longer a paradox for him. My clumsy manner no longer endearing. I was useless. I was nothing without him.

He had finally seen what I knew all along. I had nothing to offer him. I was nothing but trouble for him. Surely he got tired of watching after to me. He must've gotten sick of always moving at my mind-numbingly slow human pace.

I did not bring out the best in him, much like he did for me. I was only second best, if you could call it that. A stupid, lack luster distraction that captivated him longer than I thought possible.

Silent tearless sobs racked my body at this conclusion. The obviousness of it was always in the back of my mind but now with his words. _You're no good for me, Bella. _

I could no longer deny it myself. I could no longer delude myself into thinking that he would want me. We did not have a future. He had a future and I... I had nothing. Nothing but the sweet memories of the short time he let me be with him. I had reminders of the heaven he showed me. I had reminders of his short lived impossible, unexplainable love of me that was now an imperfect memory. A fuzzy human memory that he said would fade with time.

I refused to believe that I could ever forget. Who would forget the perfectness of heaven? The totality of happiness and joy wrapped into one encompassing bursting emotion. Surely, if anything at all God would let me have this._ Please let me keep this._ I choked back a sob as the memory of his topaz eyes warmed me. But alas his eyes no longer burned with intensity. They no longer beckon me to him. Instead they would pity this stupid weak human who fell in love with an impossibly celestial creature who no longer wanted her.

The weight of my thoughts caught up with me as I wrapped my arms tighter, hopelessly trying to mimic his iron grip. On my knees in the wet, darkening, too green forest I could no longer function, frozen by the loss. The heaving turned silent as I doubled over, my arms trying impossibly to keep me together. I curled into my chest, molding with the damp, dirty leaves that nestled around me, turning my nose up at the smell of the moss. It smelled green.

I turned my face up toward the sky, welcoming the night right. The drizzle wasn't like the downpour before. The mist was cooling against my hot skin, a lovely reminder. It was the only soothing comfort I had left. As each drop grazed my skin, its heavy touch contrasted his ever feathery fingers as they memorized my body. But he no longer wanted me – the booming words tightened my puffy aching eyelids, reverberating in my mind, as I tried impossibly to erase them from my mind. They repeated themselves over and over agin until they blended into one word. One final word in his musical, vibrant tone.

The dry, silent sobs had left my body now. I was still, perhaps trying to blend in with the dirt, forgotten by existence. When my body ached for more air, I reluctantly complied, as the dizzying effects were somewhat soothing. It was good to know that I would have some form of release from this turbulent painful reality. It couldn't come soon enough.

My futile quest to find him was failed before it began. My feet could no longer carry me through the damning forest. His lightening speed would never let my weak, ungraceful feet find him. After all this was a decision only he could make. The decision in no way could be affected by me.

I would always need him. But he didn't need me. He had existed before me. He would exist after me. My weak human heart would always beat for him. My muddy memories would always be best when they thought of him. My mind would always recall his beautiful voice in perfect harmony, because I was his – wanted or not – I was his.

He was not mine. Consequently, he never was.

Beastly growls in the forest altered me of something ... maybe danger. I was no longer afraid of anything else. My true fear was realized when he left me, alone and dissolute. My living nightmare warded off any other possibilities of fear. Perhaps I would find my much needed relief in the creatures that now occupied the forest. Maybe I wouldn't have to endure this pain much longer.

In my murky mind his now distant warning rang clear, _I'm not always the worst thing in the woods._ But his words already hurt me worse then any mythical creature lurking in the words ever could. I was already dead inside, all I needed now was for my body to follow. So I stayed silent, hoping for the sweet release.

I cringed when the concentrated stream of light hit my eyes, glowing red behind my eyelids. I tried to focus my eyes as the shaky stream of light darted around the dark forest. My body was still frozen, hoping the earth swallow me. My offering had been refused for the third time that day. Edward didn't want me. The beasts left me, not even bothering to seek me out. Perhaps my scent was no longer an attraction, not even to nature.

I could not respond when I heard the frantic, urgent screams of my name. I was sure I did not want to, but my mouth didn't even open to try. None of the harsh, screeching voices were the right tone. The voices shouting my name did not belong to the right person. I did not belong to them. Not anymore. I belonged to only one. I could only answer for him. His lips should be the only to utter my name. _Edward_, the pain in my constricting chest seared brighter at his name,_ please come back to me._

I lost time. I didn't know how much, because the dry sky was still dark but the forest was quiet now... not even the animals in the woods uttered a word. For some reason it didn't strike me as odd. There was no reason for life mine or any other without him. Time only existed with him. It felt like I had been on the forest floor forever – I was sure it was still the same night.

I wondered if it was night where he was. If he was anywhere remotely close to me... But with his speed he could be clear past the country, maybe even half past the globe._ So far away from me._ It didn't seem right – no – natural for there to be distant between us. My body shuddered at the mere thought. The more space there was between us, the more the expanding of my lungs hurt and the searing pain in my heart grew. I wished there was a way to stop them.

It shocked me I was still able to breathe, that my heart would beat without him. _Impossible_, that I should continue to exist – not knowing that his good bye was cemented in his blatant departure.

My body shifted toward the unnatural breeze that rushed past me. _Back? _My mind could no longer form coherent sentences – thoughts.

The fleeting breeze could only be caused by one action. It was a breeze I felt only in his presence. My unfocused graze darted around the dark forest, trying to find the direction it came from. _Maybe ... maybe._ I couldn't bring myself to complete the thought. Surely the hope itself was enough to kill me were it not true.

I tried to focus, steady my gaze. I couldn't quite see clearly without the light and the pulsing pain in my eyes didn't do much to help the matter.

"Edward?" the name seemed strange now leaving my lips with the accompanying burning in my heart and ever growing doubt.

I felt a tight grip on my arm. _Tighter than it should be. _But the right temperature. I would welcome this pain if it meant that he was here. That he had come back. That maybe I still held some fascination for him. I would welcome my place, even as a hobby, in his world if it meant I were with him.

Then the hand gripped me tighter still and I felt pressure on my bones as it effortlessly picked me up, but my feet didn't reach the ground. I stifled a whimper when my bones pulsated with the inflamed ache where the hand clasped my upper arm. I would not scream from the pain. It was better than the emptiness before, however short lived it might've been. As long as he was here, I would endure. I would do anything to please him – to make sure that he was happy.

My dead legs swayed slightly over the ground, the stabbing tingles bringing them back to life. My eyes still couldn't make out the image in front of me. I wasn't sure what to fault: my sluggish brain or pain ridden eyes. My eyes became slits as I finally adjusted the image, my brain trying to process the information. Red. Red fire.

I saw fire. No, I saw fire red hair, not the warm bronze I was used to. But the fire didn't scare me – once my brain put it together. My captor wasn't the one my heart cried out for but Victoria.

It seemed only right for fate to play this hateful trick.

"Not Edward," the words wrapped around her slithery tongue and out her scarlet red lips, matching her trancing eyes.

That affected me. The name she snaked around her tongue ripped at my heart and washed another round of pain to every inch of my body, the searing back with a painful vengeance. My staggering heart beat resounding in my ears, taunting me. The name that caused me so much hope, joy... pleasure now racked despair and destruction throughout my body.

"He would leave you ... alone?"

Her head twisted around, searching for him. I wanted to tell her not to waste her time but I couldn't even muster enough energy for that. I had used it all up, hoping that it was him reclaiming me to this world. I sunk deeper into the lost abyss – even Victoria knew that he left, that I could never do such a blasphemous thing.

"His presence is long gone," she said, sniffing the air once more.

I wasn't sure if she was asking me or confirming her suspicions.

I let my eyes close again when the dull ache became too much, a silent prayer to the heavens to let the fires of hell swallow me crossed my mind. I no longer had a purpose – not without him.

I didn't yelp or scream when her grip became even tighter, breaking my now bruised bones – not even when her other hand curled around my neck.

"Surely you have a scream for me." That wasn't a request.

She drew me closer to her, and I could feel her cool breathe across my cheek as my limp arm pulsed with pain that didn't compare in the slightest to the burning hole he forged in my heart.

"Open those pretty eyes."

She squeezed my throat tighter when I didn't, causing my whole face to tingle, the constricting making it harder for air to flow freely into my lungs. I welcomed the dizzying blackness, disregarding her rant.

I didn't bother to make sense of the following hiss of words as I slipped into the inviting murky waters. I wanted them to swallow me whole.

I spit out the gush of water that burned my throat and nose, the cold daggers awakening my skin. My hands tugged at the clothes where they clung to me, unwelcome heavy reminders of his cool touch. One I was yearning for.

I was weak, not from the pain but the unconscious escape. My atrophied limbs made me wonder when was the last time I moved. The building ache in my stiff neck was nothing compared to the emptiness inside me, just an unneeded reminder that I was still alive. Still lost in the abyss of time _without_, a heavy sigh escaped me, _Him._

"You had me worried, Bella."

My unfocused gaze darted to the corner of the room where the graceful, taunt figure towered, impossibly beautiful and inviting even with the snarl on her lips. That's when I noticed my eyes didn't sting as they steadied on her, a hint that I had been unconscious for far too long.

She had a bucket in her hand, still dripping with water. I stifled a shiver. From the cold or the sight of her I wasn't sure. Words still couldn't find me so I narrowed my eyes. It was futile. I was no match for her. No longer did I have my protector. _He didn't want me. _

"I guess we're not gonna have girl talk." The trill of her laugh did not elevate the mood, or fool me. But the pout that lingered, giving a playful feel to her crinkling eyes, was disarming. I would've insisted we did... if she weren't a sociopath who had just kidnaped me.

In an instant she was sitting next to me, stroking the damp hair out of my face. That's when I felt the tight restraints in my failed attempted to distance our bodies. She had tied my arms and feet together, binding me to the bed. As if I could out run her, the dry chuckle did not escape my lips, dying in my aching chest. The searing hole was somewhat tolerable, if I focused on her and my impending death and not ...

"I know he left," the tone of her voice was one of pure concern, pity even ... but for who I wasn't sure. "And I know the despair you feel. I feel it to." Her cold hand ghosted over my cheek and down my throat, resting heavily on my ever beating heart. "It does not die with time, not for my kind."

In her blood red eyes I saw that for this one moment we were united in the pain we shared. We were simply broken hearted girls. _If only our paths never crossed..._ The possibility that her cold hand, resting on my chest, could've been his made me whimper. That maybe the face centimeters from mine, blowing sweet breath into me would've been – I took a shaky breath and dismissed the foolish notion. I had to remind myself of the truth.

"But you see, Bella, James did not – would not leave me." And the truth in her words would have caused tears to gush forth if I had not used them all already. _He did want her._ "I will find him. And when I do, you will watch me destroy him. I will destroy that last bit of hope you have..."

The sincerity in her eyes overwhelmed me. This was not a threat, it was not meant to scare me, but prepare me. She wanted me to writhe in this information. She would take pleasure in knowing the dread I felt, the helplessness I would feel – much like she felt when news of James' death reached her. She wanted me to know that no amount of planning would deter his inevitable fate and for that I cursed her.

"No!" The hoarse word burned my raw vocal cords as the scream escaped. "Take me instead." This was the last thing I would give him. _The only thing I could give him. _I would give him the future without me he so desperately wanted.

Her slow smile did not reassure me. Her mind was set. "I have other plans for you, my dear."

The gleam in her eye made my stomach turn and I wriggled trying to create any kind of space between myself and her teeth, at least until I could convince her that killing me and not him was what she wanted. That it was revenge enough, even if he didn't care for me.

As my skin caressed the soft covers I finally took notice of the bed I laid in. It was quite plush for a torture chamber – but I wasn't in the dark. I was in a room that seemed to belong to someone. I was in a beautifully decorated room with fresh flowers, burning candles and open shutters that filtered moonlight into the room. This was not a setting for a murder, not even for torture. No, this was something else... something I couldn't wrap my mind around.

Her hand clamped my arm, bringing me impossibly closer to her and reminding me of my broken bones. The grimace was not from that pain however, it was her words that terrified me:

"I have a present for you, Bella."

The way my name slid sickeningly sweet out of her mouth unnerved me. She leaned in, closing any space between us then dragged her cold tongue across the nape of my neck, resting her lips onto a pulse point.

My instincts surprised me. I did not back away. I did not fight. I leaned into her embrace as her other hand slid from my chest and down my side, ghosting over my hip as it finally rested on the small of my back. She held me flush to her body, our contours molding into one another as my eyes closed, reveling in the cool feel of her.

When her welcomed teeth sank into me – breaking my skin – I finally understood my reaction. I pursed my lips effectively stifling the name I longed to utter. Leaning my head back to give her better access, I moaned into the night air at the cold lips sucking at my neck, tasting my essence, I imagined they were his.

As the arms wrapped tightly around me to needlessly keep me in place, I stroked a cold hip, my mind encouraging him to take all of me into him. I would give him my last breathe. I would give him the thing that brought him to me in the first place. He could have my blood. He could have me, even if he no longer...

I foolishly imagined that he changed his mind. That he would like to keep me. Maybe I could hold his attention. As my neck started to burn, I knew that the sensation was due to venom. I had felt this kind of burning before.

Maybe death wasn't meant for me after all. This venom, his venom was poisoning my system so that in this last loving act, he was binding me to him.

But the groan that escaped Victoria's lips interrupted my delusion. A final moan escaped my lips, reality setting in.

I could not keep him.

_He does not love me. _

And so ... I would let him go.


End file.
